Episode 2: Mental Health Part 1

Mental Health is a serious issue and topic to discus. Many people in the world goes through it including myself. It can be hard for some people who isn't suffering from mental health to understand. We all go through hard times but we just have to think more positively and realize that there will be more ups than downs in life.

Never told many people this, I have struggled with depression for a long time. There's many things that I went through in life that was unreal but I kept my emotions to myself. I was never a person who can open up to people but have been gradually working towards it. Especially since I have a loving girlfriend, I got to be more honest with her and not be afraid if she judge me or anything (which I know she wouldn't but you never know).

After the breakup with my ex, I was struggling to deal with what was happening. It was hard to accept that I failed as a boyfriend and we were no longer together. I loved her so much and admired her. I sort of looked up to her as a person who wanted to make something out of herself because she knew she had a bright future. The arguments that we went through and the things she told me put a hole in my heart. I was really hurt, the last time we spoke we argued and it was done after that. I really wanted to try being friends.

I was so hurt that I started cutting myself. I felt like a bad person. Felt that I was like her previous ex's (they were jerks and disrespectful) and that I wasn't so different from them. I will admit that I have thought about suicide but never would want to do something like that. But cutting myself for couple of days felt like I was committing suicide over and over again. I hated it but at the same time, it ease the pain of loss and failure. I went to school with cut marks and wore a long sleeve plaid shirt. I couldn't attend my first class because I was in a difficult state-of-mind so I went to my professor and told her. I went to the counselor and talk to her about everything. This was extremely helpful because of my tendency to keep my feelings to myself, I went to someone who I didn't know but was comfortable enough and told them my deep thoughts. Afterwards, I stopped cutting myself but was struggling with my grades and personal life. I did stuff that I honestly wish I didn't do because that isn't who I am as a person.